Diversion
by Madrigal-in-training
Summary: Naruto chooses a singularly odd method of distracting the S-ranked ninja who are out to kill him.


_**When Itachi and Kisame come collecting for Naruto at the Tsunade Retrieval Arc, our favorite blonde prankster decided that a little diversion is called for.**_

_**xxxxx**_

_**xxxxx**_

Naruto hoped that the teme never learned of this. Not that he knew the exact particulars of Sasuke's relationship with his brother- other than a keen suspicion that he was the cause of the teme's avenger mindset- but he doubted that Sasuke would be pleased to know that Itachi was hunting him. And judging from the image in the peephole, Itachi wouldn't be waiting patiently outside of his door for much longer. Naruto could hazard a guess as to _why_, but he couldn't really explain that to Sasuke so really teme would interpret it the wrong way.

He would either consider this a personal insult- that his deadlast teammate made better hunting- or a personal threat, since it was _his_ teammate. Naruto would have sorely liked to point out that the world didn't revolve around the Last Uchiha, but that would be difficult to explain since again, there was no reason for Itachi Uchiha to be after Naruto Uzumaki. The blonde assumed that part of Sasuke's concern would stem from worry over his teammate, because a heart _did_ exist under all that jackass-level indifference, but that was even more- sorry Shikamaru- troublesome. Now if Naruto got hurt, Sasuke would think he was too weak to protect him and go running off to the pedphile.

So Naruto couldn't fight him because if he _did_, than he would get his ass kicked. And Sasuke would want to know _how_ he got his ass kicked, and even if Naruto bluffed, sooner or later he would find out. Because he got the feeling that Itachi would offhandedly mention it when he saw his little brother again, and teme, arrogant, indifferent, _caring _teme, would panic. He would probably also be miffed at Naruto for getting involved in his fight, and do something stupid, like declare his intention to be Hokage. Which could never be allowed, because _Naruto_ was the future Hokage, dattebayo!

Since he couldn't fight- damn teme- he would have to run. And Naruto was kind of okay with that, because he was actually pretty good with evasion. Also, not as stupid as people would presume, since even _he_ didn't want to get involved with Itachi freaking Uchiha, the Scorched Flame of the Uchiha Clan. Even if he was a bigger pretty boy than the teme, and _was that nailpolish_?

Naruto shook that idea away because his thought process was a little scatter minded and while that was useful for on the fly pranks, he need to- _wait_. Naruto grinned. He was a goddamn genius.

Putting his fingers together in a seal for Kage Bunshin, he quickly summoned one Naruto clone and Henged her into his Sexy no Jutsu form. Another puff of smoke signaled in a whiskerless blonde with knockers that were just one size smaller than Tsunade's were supposed to be. Too much? He made a few adjustments.

A minute later a beautiful, dark-haired woman with light grey eyes opened the door.

"Yes?" the woman asked politely as she took in the visitors. Two tall men with red and black cloaks stood in front of her. One of the men had blood red eyes and a scratched forehead protector with the symbol of Konoha.

"We are here for the jinchuuriki," Itachi Uchiha said calmly, his hand placed against the opened door, "Please hand him over and there will be no trouble."

Naruko's eyes widened in shock. "Itachi!" she yelled, raising a hand and slapping the young Uchiha across the cheek. The suddenness of the movement caused him to pause, stunned, as his head forcefully turned and a blossoming red print took form in the shape of a hand.

"How dare you come here and face me," Naruko continued, "I gave you _everything_ and you just decided to up and go to play missing nin!" She turned accusatory eyes on an equally stunned Kisame. "You! What are you doing with Itachi?"

His surprise made him answer truthfully. "I'm his partner."

"Partner?" Naruko gasped, deliberately misinterpreting the answer. She turned tearful grey eyes back to the shellshocked Uchiha. "So _he's _the reason you left me then? How could you, Itachi?"

Kisame stared at the dark-haired teen.

Itachi looked back at the blue-skinned man, bemused. "It's not what it looks like-" he began, before pausing as he realized how those words could be taken.

"Don't lie to me! I knew there was a reason you were so frigid in bed," Naruko wailed, "Well guess what, Uchiha? _You _weren't that good in bed anyway! At least _Shisui_ knew how to please a lady!"

With her words ringing practically though the entire building, Naruko slammed the door in her two unwanted guests' faces.

One minute. Then Naruko heard a loud, rumbling laughter start as Itachi slammed open the door. She took a second to admire the light red stain on his cheeks before she looked up to furious Sharingan eyes.

"Where is he?" Itachi demanded, through gritted teeth.

"Gone," she replied, grimly satisfied. A puff of smoke signaled the end of the Bunshin.

Several miles away, a fleeing blonde genin smiled mischievously as his memories returned to him. It was a pity he couldn't tell teme about his prank. Although Sasuke would probably refuse to believe that he had all but propositioned Itachi anyway.


End file.
